July 27th

7/27/08
Not dead yet. It’s my fourth day. I cheated on the third a bit, but I’m good. I felt so guilty eating. Even if it was a little, all I wanted to do was throw it all up when we left the theater. So I did. Mom hates me, I know it. Everytime I wake up she always looks at me and says “oh great she’s up. It was nice and peaceful in here, can’t you go back to bed?” then she’ll leave the room. I cried uncontrollably last night. I sobbed so hard, brynn jumped up and ran to me to see what was wrong. I had to get out the house or I knew someone would hear. Not like they’d care though, it was like 6 in the morning. My head feels so weighed down right now, and I’m always cold. I just want to die. Get it over with. No one cares, and as cliché that is, I now it’s true. I just wish I was happy. I want control. I want to be able to wake up and not have my family hate it. Jesus, I want a friend. Too fucking bad I’m unlikeable.