I hate myself and want to die. I have decided to document my hatred of life. Just in case I do find the correct tools to end myself and no one has a clue what I was feeling; this is for you.
1/10/08
I’m scared. New years just passed and I’m freaking the fuck out. Thoughts and questions are running through my head; what am I doing? Why am I feeling this way? Where’s my future? What I want to do with my life is a more adequate question. My heart hurts when it comes up. I think I’m going down again. I just want to curl up and go away to my secret place. I haven’t slept in so long. The night is my new best. I just can’t stop; I want someone to guide me, tell me what I’m destined for. I did something 4 days ago I though I had quit. I broke my resolution to stay clean. ‘take parts of others to form what is me.’ If my epiphany doesn’t come soon, I shall try. I just want contentment within myself.
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